There are study bibles on the market for everything from hunting tips to weight control, but what Christians really need is a study bible to help the Western consumer reinterpret the teachings of God for our modern world. God never imagined the stresses faced by the modern consumer, or how busy we are, so a new study bible to help people know what God really meant to say is a big relief. To meet today’s need, I am today unveiling “The Con$umer $tudy Bible–A Guide to $old Out Faith ©”
Red-Tag Passage
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ” (Ephesians 4:25–32, ESV)
$ell-Out Commentary
When Paul wrote these words to the Christians at Ephesus, he clearly could not have imagined how frustrating it is to get bad customer service. God only intended this passage to apply to spiritual matters inside the walls of the church building on Sunday morning—certainly not situations where you buy a product and are unhappy with it. God says, “be angry and do not sin” and we all know that anger is never a sin when you get bad service from a waiter or waitress. The Con$umer is always right, so if you get frustrated at a sales-call during dinner time, God knows it is okay to yell at the person on the other end of the phone—how dare they interrupt your dinner! Also, if you spent lots of money on some computer software, you have a right to get angry if it does not work right. In such a case it is always okay to call the support line people names, and or write angry messages on their website forums or say rude things to other con$umers who don’t share your anger. In these situations, it does not matter if the other people you are talking to are Christians or not, this is a business situation, not a spiritual one, and the seller owes the con$umer a good product and these people don’t deserve any kind words for frustrating you.
Regarding 
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You MIGHT want to make a disclaimer at the end of this, as some might think you’re serious.
It is posted under the category of “humor”… but you are probably right.
One might read this as:
Main Entry: cyn·i·cal
Pronunciation: \ˈsi-ni-kəl\
Function: adjective
Date: 1542
1 : captious, peevish
2 : having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a : contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives b : based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest
— cyn·i·cal·ly \-k(ə-)lē\ adverb
synonyms cynical, misanthropic, pessimistic mean deeply distrustful. cynical implies having a sneering disbelief in sincerity or integrity . misanthropic suggests a rooted distrust and dislike of human beings and their society . pessimistic implies having a gloomy, distrustful view of life .
True, except that my inspiration for this post was my experience with pastors and Bible teachers on a software forum (which I will not name) where this post describes perfectly their actions. I have been mortified by their mistreatment of brothers and sisters in Christ, the name calling and anger. When confronted with their behavior, they respond much like I write in the “$ell-Out Commentary”… they feel they have a right to do these things because they paid for a product.
OH, I understand and could sign my name next to this book, but although I know you…..I just referred Ben and Lauren to your blog and thought if they read it they might not get it without “explanation” prior to reading the posting….I didn’t see the “humor” place you said it was listed under…it just takes me to the main page here and I read it as your current entry. :O) Is a sad day that sell out commentary is actually true in some places! ;O)
Pam, here is a recent comment from a Christian brother who does not like the comments of other Christians regarding the use of Bible software. If you want to know what inspired my post, here it is. [I have replaced the name of the software company other other key names to keep some sense of privacy]