Almost six years ago, I discovered I was pregnant for the third time. My husband Joey and I were not trying and the news came as quite a surprise. Obviously, I am glad God had other plans.
About 3 months prior to me finding out that I was pregnant, I was having trouble with my vision out of my left eye. It progressively got worse and worse. I started to see double out of the eye so much so that to see anything clearly I had to close one eye. I walked around looking like I was winking at everybody!!! It was challenging even working out at the gym because I couldn’t see the aerobics instructor at the front of the room. I couldn’t drive anymore. It was very scary. People starting immediately praying for me.
We didn’t have health insurance at the time and so we had to pay ourselves for all the doctors. I was finally referred to a neurologist. He thought it could be early signs of MS. I chose to ignore all of it and keep trusting God to heal my eye. We couldn’t afford the cost of an MRI and so we applied for a hardship grant to help us. We were accepted (which was an act of God) and I scheduled an MRI. We were so thankful because we were all wanting answers. The week before my appointment, I started to experience other strange symptoms in my body and so the day before my appointment I decided to take a pregnancy test.
Sure enough I was pregnant!!
As you may know, a woman can’t have an MRI while pregnant, especially in the 1st trimester. I will never forget telling my parents the news. They wanted to be so thilled and happy for us, but they had also been praying for so long that we would be accepted for the grant so that I could get an MRI.
We were all a little shell shocked. So many questions filled my mind…
- Why is this happening?
- I am not ready for another child-I can barely handle the two I have?
- We are in the middle of starting a church, how can I add a baby to the mix?
- Maybe this is the girl I have always longed for?
- How am I going to make it through pregnancy with such limited vision?
Well, to make a long story short. God healed my eye. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. About half way through my pregnancy I was at 100% vision! No explanation except for the fact God chose to heal my eye! Doctors could not figure it out! God is so good! I ended up having the most amazing, healthy pregnancy, my best ever. I found so much joy sharing this pregnancy with my boys who were old enough to enjoy it. We waited to find out the sex, and the growing anticipation of finding out what we were going to have was very exciting. I have had a burning desire to have a little girl, but recognizing that this pregnancy was 100% God’s plan for us, I resolved myself to completely let go and trust God. As most you know, we had a third boy. I am not going to say it wasn’t hard at first. My best friend told me that after he came out and they said, “It’s a boy!” I said, “I knew it” and then apparently I had a peace come over me.
I still have a void left inside of not having a daughter, (we are done) but I am so thankful for my precious gift from God. When it came to naming him, we choose the name William because we liked the meaning and it was a family name on both sides. We call him Will for short and about a month ago I got an email from my dear friend Amberlyn. She wrote, “Suzanne, is there a connection with the name Will and the fact that he is completely and 100% a will of God child? I wasn’t sure if you named him with that connection and I didn’t even notice it until you started to call him Will all the time, then it just totally stood out to me. He is totally God’s Will- you weren’t planning him and you were hoping for a girl…all that stuff…just wondered if that was all part of the plan?”
As I told my friend Amberlyn, it was not a part of the plan. And ever since she made that connection-it has brought me so much joy in calling him Will. I know God has a wonderful plan for his life and I am so happy he is in our family. I only want God’s will for my life, and for my family and not my own. It is so amazing that when we can let go of “our” plans and trust God, He brings us His perfect will.