Due to the popularity of my recent press release about the “Fill In the Blanks Bible ©, I decided to publish the next chapter of my new translation.
The Book of Exodus
These are the names of the ______________ (sons, daughters, sons and daughters, nondescript gender designations) of Israel who came to Egypt with Jacob, each with ______________ (his / her / his or her / their) household: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and yada yada yada. Anyway, all the descendants of Jacob were seventy persons; Joseph was already in Egypt. Then Joseph died, and all his brothers and all that generation. But the people of Israel were ______________(fruitful / stealing all the land in violation of demands from the international community).
Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who ______________(did not know Joseph / recognized the Jews were a threat to peace in the Middle East). And the King said to ______________(his / her / why do we assume the king is a man, maybe it was a woman) people, “Behold, the people of Israel are ______________ (too many and too mighty for us / stealing our land and controlling the media). So they ______________ (ruthlessly made the people of Israel work as slaves / took back from the Jews what rightfully belonged to the Egyptians).
Then the king of Egypt commanded that all the newborn ______________(sons / daughters / children) of the Hebrews, ______________(should be thrown into the Nile / be sent back to their own country / I deny that there was any such Jewish holocaust).
__________________________________________(And God saved his people from Egypt / The rest of this chapter is a fiction from the Jewish run media and is not historical / I do not believe in miracles, so the rest of this chapter is just a silly fable / Moses did not write any of this stuff. It was written later by scribes to convince the masses that God was real).