Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Vermont Wont Taste the Cake!

August 6th, 2009

More Than Cake gets visitors from all over the world.  I have readers now in 68 countries and territories around the globe.

My World Reach

More Than Cake is reaching total global domination! Wha haa haa!!!

But there is one glaring omission from my readership–where is Vermont!

Where are all the Vermonters!?

Where is the ‘Freedom and Unity” you mockingly promise me!?

Why wont your red red robbin come bob bob bobbin along out of those Green Mountains and taste the Cake!?

I have readers in 49 of 50 states in the USA, but not one single reader from Vermont!

What is up Vermont?

Only vermont stands in the way of my total global domination!!

Only vermont stands in the way of my world domination!!! Curse you Vermontians!!!!!

So here is my shameless plug for someone from Vermont to comment on More Than Cake!

Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont Vermont

Can you find me now Vermont?

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Simple Church ™

June 25th, 2009

Inspired by my friend Alan’s post “Go Make Disciples ™“, I am convinced that church is meant to be simple.  All the institutional stuff  has really hurt our Faith.  Here is my new motto:

Church–So Simple That Anyone Who Follows Me Can Do It!


Why do we hold men above Christ?

Seminary trained pastors set themselves up as experts by writing books that teach us all kind of pagan things about leadership and community when all we truly need is the Bible.  I am so convinced that the Bible is ALL we need, that I am commissioning a team of writers with no seminary training and who have never lead anything to write a book that everyone should read.  This team of experts (with names you are sure to recognize) well give everyone all they need to know about how not to be a leader and how to avoid training so you can start a Simple Church.  Oh, and we will have a magazine too!!

Why do we need all those conferences for “professional” clergy?

Those conferences are corrupting the church and taking away the priesthood of all belivers.  To counter this spiritual-tragedy, I would like to invite everyone to a new conference starting next year.  The conference will be titled, “No More Conferences“.  We will feature worship bands (unprofessionally led of course) and lecturers who will teach us how sermons are bad because they feature just one guy talking with everyone in chairs facing forward.  Our conference will be held in a theatre where everyone will have nice chairs facing the stage so they can enjoy our featured experts.  Come to the conference and you will get trained by our totally uneducated and fully untrained experts on how to be a Simple Church leader.

Why do we make paid preaching/teaching the center of our faith?

I think it is terrible that we listen to sermons and download them and sell them when the Gospel should be free.  If you want to learn more, check back tomorrow and I will have a recorded talk you can download for a small fee or you can always order the CD.  The Apostle Paul never sold his letters to the church and next year I will also have a new copyrighted book out on Amazon that will tell you all about it for just $9.99.  These teachings will explain how we are destroying the church by trusting preachers who sell stuff all the time. (BTW, since I am not a paid preacher, I am allowed by the New Testament to sell this stuff… besides, my motives are pure unlike those other guys.)

Why have we made it so difficult to be the Spirit-led Church?

Men have put themselves out as leaders and make us think that unless we read what they write, we cannot be a valid church.  That is just not how God words.   So I am announcing the launch of a new blog that will feature all my books and all my recorded messages from conferences and weekly posts.  My site will teach you how not to follow after the teachings of men.  Trust only the Holy Spirit and follow me.

Why do we follow denominations?

Simple church will be all about rejecting denominations and seeing everyone as our brother and sister in Christ.  To help you figure out which churches are truly simple, and not heretical like those institutional ones, we will set up a network of Simple Churches.  We will have memberships and everything and promote our approved network of churches from our website.

Why do we meet in big buildings?

Anyone who reads the New Testament, or church history, knows that aside from meeting in public buildings or in Synagogues or caves, the church only ever met in homes.  If your church is meeting anywhere but a house, you are corrupting God’s simple church because the house is God’s designated place for church meetings.  A house is the only place that does not restrict the moving of the Spirit and A house is the only place where people won’t get corrupted by all the bad stuff.  (You will learn more about this at next years’ big conference)

Church is Simple and anyone can do it!!  So keep reading. listening, conferencing, networking, meeting in homes and downloading my stuff and I will teach you all the things you need to know about how to keep church simple and avoid the institution.

Oh, and don’t forget, if you don’t read all my stuff and listen to all my messages and go to my conferences, you will never know what stuff is forbidden by the New Testament and you will never be free from all the institutional stuff that holds you back.

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The Wrong Kind of Organic

June 1st, 2009

My wife likes to buy organic foods.  Some folks only consume organic church.  But I think Joe Cocker teaches us that too much organic (or the wrong kind of organic) can lead to problems.

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Is Jason Lee my Long Lost Twin?

May 4th, 2009

Over the past month I have been substitute teaching at a local High School and middle school.  At least twice a day some kid says to me something like,  ”hey, you look like that guy from ‘My Name Is Earl’.” or “Are you related to that guy from “Mall Rats’?” or “You look just like that guy from ‘Alvin and the Chipmumks’!”

So I decided to put it to a vote among my readers. I know the teenage crowd thinks me and Jason Lee are long lost twins, but what about you?  
Jason Lee was born just one month after me in 1970, so we are close in age, but do you see the resemblance in these photos I put together?
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