Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Classic Me: Gun Tottin’ Pastors

December 8th, 2008

According to a recent court decision , Kentucky clergy fearful of armed robbers stealing the collection money can now carry concealed guns in church. Ministers and priests of rural churches lobbied state lawmakers to allow them to carry concealed guns after the clergy was left out of a 1996 law allowing concealed weapons in Kentucky. The amendment recently passed in the House by 76-9 and is due to be signed into law by Gov. Paul Patton April 15.

As I read this story, I could hardly believe what I was reading. I find it hard to imagine that Paul would instruct the early church to defend their wealth by killing people. I was always under the impression that our job was to spread the gospel of salvation, not kill the people who need to hear it.

If carrying a gun is required to be an effective pastor, then I am sadly unprepared. They never taught me this in seminary? Is this really what being a pastor is all about? I don’t even own a gun!!

Talk show hosts are already poking fun at the image this creates. Even Jay Lenno can see the inherent contradiction in this policy, why can’t those who are supposed to be lead by God’s spirit???
Let us consider some of the consequences if this becomes church policy:

I wonder if this will help create a new market for clergy-wear? Maybe pastors will carry specially anointed holsters with little crosses on them that say, 

“God forgives, Pastors pack heat!” 

“For God so loved the World, he gave us guns.”"

I wonder if there will be a special blessing which pastors can offer the thief as he pumps lead into him? Some possible blessings might be,

“God created us to have fellowship, now its time to meet your maker!” 

“Faith comes by hearing, but its too late for you”

- With this new law, l have no doubt there will have to be special warning signs on the entrance to the Church? Here are a few suggestions that these churches might want to consider,

“God can’t protect us all, that is why we have Smith & Wesson!”

“We preach the gospel according to Colt 45″

-The above is not just fodder for the joke machines, but hopefully spurs us to think of the message we teach by the actions we take. We as the Body of Christ must ask ourselves what kind of theology produces a pastor that needs the power of the pistol over the power of the Gospel. 

Do we no longer believe that God is able to protect us against the wrath of the world? When God said we preach a gospel of peace, maybe He did not take into account what our world would be like today? Certainly this is a radically defective view of God and his sovereignty. Has God brought the sinner to the church for salvation or damnation?

As Americans we certainly have a right to bear arms, but maybe if pastors and congregations would spend more time on their knees, they would not have to spend so much time on the firing range?

—–
I wrote the above post more than 10 years ago. Some parts I dislike and some parts I still dig. For better, or worse, I share with you this glimpse into my past and into my journey of faith in Christ Jesus.
  • Share/Bookmark

5 comments »

Posted in Culture, Humor, Law, Missiology

Top 10 Most Irritating Phrases

November 21st, 2008

Thanks to Bradley Wright, I found out today that Oxford researchers worked 24/7 to put together a fairly unique list of the top 10 most irritating phrases. At this moment in time, I personally don’t have synergy with the list because I never use these phrases. With all due respect to these intelligent folks, at the end of the day they shouldn’t of put together a list that is literally a nightmare to read. There are absolutely more annoying phrases. Ironically, it’s not rocket science just some crazy research.

What phrases bother you?
  • Share/Bookmark

4 comments »

Posted in Anthropology, Humor

The Men Who Would Not be Pastor: Jesus

November 11th, 2008

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our forms and sending in some video of your teaching.  We are impressed with your ability to draw a big crowd.

After reading through the transcript sent in by your friend Matthew, we are concerned thought that your theology of the tribulation is not clear enough.  Your teaching on the End Times leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding and we need a Pastor who can clearly teach the truth so that no one will get left behind.  We feel that with some further education and study, you will someday make a great Pastor.

Sincerely,
The Search Team

——- Other Applicants Rejected by the Church ——-
  • Share/Bookmark

1 comment »

Posted in Ecclesiology, Eschatology, Humor, Leadership

The Men Who Would Not be Pastor: Timothy

November 8th, 2008

Dear Timothy,

We were very pleased with the quality of your personal references.  Clearly you are a man with a strong gifting that is constantly being stirred in you by the Holy Spirit.  Your character and integrity are truly some of the best we have seen among our candidates.  However, we are concerned that you are a bit too young and will be unable to lead our older congregation.  We are confident that in a few more years you will be a great leader.

Sincerely,
The Search Team

——- Other Applicants Rejected by the Church ——-
  • Share/Bookmark

1 comment »

Posted in Ecclesiology, Humor, Leadership